next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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