dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
