I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
