listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
