Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
