I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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