Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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