I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
