so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
