You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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