you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
