The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
