he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
