I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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