in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
