What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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