i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
