Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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