btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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