I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
