he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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