am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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