Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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