Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
