So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
