The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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