dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
