Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
