he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
