I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
