You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
where are my eyebrows?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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