Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
