Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
