If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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