He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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