She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
