Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
