found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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