we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
