quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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