Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
