would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
