Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
