you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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