i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
