You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
