my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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