He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
