ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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