That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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